Coach Jean Caton's Book Review

How to Say it For Women:

Have you ever made a comment in a meeting that was essentially ignored only to have a colleague say the same thing, basically, and be acknowledged with a "Yeah! Good Point!" Silently you think, "Isn't that what I just said?"

We tend to blame others for not hearing what we said. However, it is likely the way you said it and the words you used to communicate your message that contributed to the result.

In How to Say it for Women, Mindell presents tips and plenty of specific examples to upgrade your communication to make it more effective. The author presents material, in a simple easy to grasp way that will make your communication more influential, clearer, and more successful. This book, not for women only, is for anyone whose style of communication lacks confidence, is wishy-washy, or peppered with phrases such as, kind of, sort of, it's just my opinion, this may be a stupid question but, I hope, and many other qualifiers, hedges, and tags that weaken your message.

This weak language makes women (and men) invisible. What you say and more importantly, how you say it influences your leadership image. Word choice and grammar make a difference in your ability to gain respect, persuade, and to lead.

The following are a few of the key points that helped me make my communication more effective. Listen to your language to identify areas for improvement.

Sounding Indecisive

Hedging Hurts: Hedges are words you hide behind when you are not confident enough to commit to what you are saying. When your language is filled with hedges, you do not come across as confident about what you are saying so others do not listen or pay attention.

Examples: I'm not sure but..., I really don't think..., I'm not a numbers person but..., It's just my opinion..., The way I see it..., I'm not an expert but.... Eliminate hedges and make your point. It is not necessary to qualify what you say if you believe your message is worthwhile.

Weak Words and Phrases

Replace vague and puny words with strong words.

Weak:  I need you to get me the research as soon as possible.

Stronger: It is essential to complete the research by April 30.

Weak: I think it is very, very important that we chat about this issue.

Stronger: It is critical we examine the communication problem in the department.

Rambling and Repeating

Too many details can blur the message. Speaking in a clear, concise, and precise way makes your message much easier to be "heard". A common mistake is presenting a lengthy preamble to your intended message explaining, qualifying and setting up you point. People stop listening before you get to your key message.

Powerful Grammar

Weak grammar strings phrases and sentences together with lots of ands and buts. The use of the parallel form is one of the most effective ways to speak and eliminates run on sentences (and excessive detail). Parallelism, using identical syntactic construction in corresponding clauses*, is best understood with examples:

• ·Government of the people, by the people, for the people
• ·To speak clearly is to speak effectively
• ·Working for a respected leader:

Employees thrive, sales grow, and turnover declines

Another very effective style is to state your bottom line (key message) followed by three points to support your line of reasoning; for example:

Bottom Line - Weekly staff meetings are required to enhance department communication.

Point #1 - Miscommunication is creating discord.

Point #2 - Flexible hours limit staff interaction.

Point #3 - There are many rumors about the new company owners.

Relevant Application

If you want to get better results at work, or be recognized for promotion to management and leadership roles then take steps to strengthen your communication. Reading this book is the first step. Reading is not enough. It takes practice. Here are some action steps for those who are serious about enhancing their professional image by upgrading workplace communication.

·Listen to yourself. Notice your language and select one or two areas to work on at a time.

·Re-read e-mails before you send then. Strengthen your written words.

·Form a Book Club with trusted colleagues at your workplace. Take turns leading a discussion of this book chapter by chapter.

·De-brief with book club members after meetings to give each other feedback on communication.

·Observe and model good communicators on television, in meetings, and elsewhere.

* source: American Heritage Dictionary

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© Copyright 2006 Jean Caton      Article template by Rake Consulting

Jean Caton is a speaker, coach, and marketing strategist. She works with businesswomen in corporate America, Healthcare, and entrepreneurs to challenge and support them to attain their professional and personal goals and live a life full of achievement, self-acceptance, and serenity. Jean can be reached at: MyCoachJean@JeanCaton.net